Let your children learn to treat things with empathy and reduce disputes between brothers and sisters

Brothers and sisters are at odds, sometimes because they do not understand each other, and parents have told me that when the children dispute, the parents try to persuade, but the result is that the children complain that their parents are partial to one side. This really makes the adults helpless, ask me Where to start.

Then tell a story and let them understand! The story is not only the language of the children, but this story I am going to tell, which is based on daily life, can let the children learn to understand and practice empathy.

Before explaining what kind of story it is, I want to let parents know about "Fundamental Attribution Error". It turns out that no matter whether it is a child or an adult, there will always be a little deviation when it comes to seeing others, and it is born naturally. It is precisely that little deviation that was not intentionally caused that made the other party angry, blaming us for not understanding and even arguing.

Now we will further explain "Basic Attribution Bias", in which there are two key terms: "intrinsic factor" and "environmental factor". When we evaluate others, we always tend to value internal factors (such as personality or attitude) and ignore environmental factors; when evaluating ourselves, we are just the opposite, focusing on environmental factors and skipping internal factors.

For example, when employees are late, supervisors tend to blame the subordinate's personality for being late, that is, laziness, rather than abnormal traffic congestion that day. On the other side, the supervisor was late for himself. What he thought of was that today the bus did not arrive on time, the lobby was particularly crowded, and so on. These environmental factors did not talk about his personality or attitude.

Back to what kind of stories to tell children, parents can find examples in daily life, let children think in many ways, and learn to understand. For example, you saw A Jun leaving in a hurry from the restaurant and bumped into B Jun. You can ask the child how to look at Jiajun, rude and impolite? Or maybe it was because Jiajun received the call and his mother-in-law entered the hospital, so she left in a hurry?

If the child is older, parents can also tell them that humans naturally tend to think of each other’s poor personality (rudeness and impoliteness), rather than considering external factors (the mother-in-law went to the hospital), so that the children are used to perceiving their own ideas.

Let your children practice empathy for things on weekdays. When there is a dispute between siblings and sisters, we can immediately awaken their empathy-the sister poured the juice on you, not because she was naughty, but because she was watching TV , Did not pay attention to the cup on the table. Of course, this way of looking at things is definitely not an opportunity to create excuses. However, it is not difficult for parents to distinguish between deliberate mischief, when parents should be considerate of each other, and when parents should face the problem seriously, these backstage efforts will please you.